While before he always struggled to keep his lust under control, now it's running wild. When a man reaches level 1, something significant has happened. He's compulsively involved in such things as masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, or demeaning heterosexual relationships.
Level 1Īt level 1 a man's lust has begun to exert its control. You may be troubled by the feeling that your slumbering lust could awaken and take over at any moment. However, you realize that while your fascination with pornography, strip shows, or erotic talk lines isn't compulsive, it is dangerous. You're holding down a job, and your relationship with your wife or girlfriend is intact. If you're at this level, your life is probably under control. Pre-addiction describes people who begin to find themselves sexually stimulated through impersonal objects, like pornography, or events, like strip clubs. In order to determine that, we need to familiarize ourselves with the levels of addictions. While the four questions help determine if we have a problem, they don't tell us the extent of the problem. If you answered yes to even one of the four questions, your sexual behavior is either compulsive or addictive. FOUR - Is Your Behavior Empty of Genuine Commitment and Caring?Īre you substituting the illusion of intimacy provided by an object or event for the genuine intimacy found in a healthy relationship? TWO - Is Your Behavior Abusive?ĭoes your sexual behavior create pain (emotional or physical) for you or others? Is it degrading or exploitative of others? Do you find yourself performing increasingly abusive acts? Do you derive pleasure from watching others being abused in some way? THREE - Is Your Behavior Used to Deaden Painful Feelings?Īre your sexual actions an effort to change your mood rather than express affections? Do you masturbate or search for some other sexual outlet when you're depressed, bored, or angry? If your sexual behavior is used to erase pain, it's part of an addictive process. ONE - Is Your Behavior Secret?Īre you doing things you refuse to tell others about? Do you feel that if those closest to you knew what you were doing, they would reject you or strongly disapprove of your actions? Are you telling lies to cover your behavior? If so, you're isolating yourself from those you love and entering into a potentially addictive relationship with an object or event. The first step in dealing with a problem is admitting we have one. While asking yourself these questions, it's crucial that you are brutally honest.
Patrick Carnes suggests a series of four questions aimed at helping us discover if we have a sexual addiction and if so, how far it's progressed. Their obsession has taken over their life. Eventually their world revolves around sex. Over time they have to try increasingly risky forms of sexual behavior in order to deaden the pain. Some men block emotional pain with sexual pleasure. Many men with a regrettable sexual experience in the past put it behind them and move on.īut not everyone is so fortunate. Some men abuse their sexuality for a period of time and then grow out of it. Not everyone who struggles with sexual compulsions is an addict. The object of his addiction gives him two things: pleasure and an illusion of intimacy. But when they're full-blown, a man won't be able to resist the repeated urge to enter into a love relationship with a sexual object or experience that gives him pleasure and the illusion of intimacy. It's important to understand that sexual addictions don't happen overnight. Maybe you're not convinced you even have a problem, or if you are, you're not sure how serious it is. Of course, most of us won't surrender until we know we're beaten or we know defeat is on the way. It leads to greater enslavement and harm. But when it comes to compulsive behavior, a refusal to give up only prolongs our agony. It can help us hang in there when times are tough in a relationship. That resistance to raising the white flag serves men well during war or in a job situation that requires perseverance. And Rocky always won the big fight - or if he didn't win, he at least “goes the distance.” Those guys never gave up. Neither did the characters played by John Wayne. The heroes of the big screen portray the ideal man as rough and rugged. If there's one lesson boys learn when growing up, it's the value of being tough, the value of winning. SEXUAL ADDICTIONS-How can I tell if I'm getting addicted to sex or pornography?